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Thursday, August 19, 2010

I'm Only Half-Bulimic and Other Back-to-School Woes

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On Monday (that's three-and-a-half days away...trust me I am counting), my kids will all be in school. I am looking forward to a house of quiet, cleanliness, and without constant battles and screams. Honest to God my kids are making me mental. In fact, the screaming and yelling at each other between my kids has gotten to the point where I tune them out. Usually I only intervene when they start threatening to kill one another.

This morning it was a fight over the chocolate donuts I had for breakfast.

Yes, my whole "I'm dieting, but I'm not calling it that" mantra went down the commode two weeks ago. Since then I've eaten at least a dozen $2.99 pizzas from Tom Thumb. Two nights ago I ate an entire pizza, one liter of Dr Pepper, a cup of plain chocolate chips, and a big bowl of buttery flavored oil drenched popcorn for dinner before I realized I am only half-bulimic. On Monday, that all stops. Because for the first time in eight years I won't be stressed out like I've been. Thank God for public schools (and for y'all that homeschool--you're saints).

But with public schools comes buying school supplies every year. And this year like I did last year, I am not buying anything. Instead, I am letting y'all do that for me. You'll thank me later when you realize that had I tried to battle the masses at my local Walmart for pencils and scissors that likely one or both of those school supplies would have been stabbed into that witch in front of me that was blocking the way with her shopping buggy while talking on her cell phone. Nobody wants to see the Screwed Up Texan on the six o'clock evening news.

Trust me.

Besides, I had to purchase every single one of my kids shoes this year which equaled $65 because I was not making the same mistake I made last year and buying 2-week-shoes at Walmart. Also, I had to get two new backpacks (they were the $5 ones if you need to know). And underwear and socks and a new tube of mascara. Once I hit the $100 mark I stopped and I think everyone should. I think it is ridiculous for any family to pay more than $100 for back-to-school needs. So, for those of you that did, thank you for taking care of my family.

Really.

In related news, after buying the $5 backpacks mentioned above, I met Crazy Texas Mommy in the Walmart parking lot for some Max hand-me-downs. Let me tell you, my kids thought it was Christmas. In fact, over the past two days since my kids have worn about four outfits a day. Here's to hoping Max's smartness rubs off on my kids. Not his smartalecness, but his intelligence. Because my kids have smartalec covered. At least that's what their church teachers tell me.

Here's hoping that they also quit getting into the bags of clothing because come Monday I do NOT want a big pile of laundry to wash. Thank you and Amen.

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