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Friday, July 30, 2010

I'm Bad and You Know It


So I am totally late on posting today. Think of this as your Friday and weekend chunk of screwedupness. Truthfully, I've been pretty much late on everything I've done this Friday. It all started when I slept in until 11:15 this morning like a lazy teenager would except I slept naked last night for reasons I am sure you can imagine and when I got up to get dressed I realized the curtains were wide open and I had given the neighbors a good show. Note to self: until I lose more weight, nude sleeping is totally inappropriate.

Then shortly after I woke up but before I took a very long shower, my youngest sneaked out into the backyard, opened the back gate to the alley way, then flashed innocent passing cars. By the way, I was going to type the plural of passerby, but I can't figure out how to spell it. Also, I wish this kid would learn some modesty, but who am I to talk since I ain't exactly the best example.

For lunch I asked my husband to bring me home a cheeseburger so instead he brought me home a salad. Because he says I need to lose weight. It pissed me off so much that I stole his french fries.

To end the day I had to go visiting teaching which in short means I had to go to a church lady's home and teach her a lesson. The lesson was supposed to be on strengthening the family and instead I talked about surviving a difficult childhood. I'm pretty sure the only lesson I taught her was not to let me come over alone again. Aren't you glad you're not Mormon? Because if you were Mormon, then you'd have me over at your house visit teaching you. Well, if you're a girl. You so want to be a convert now just to hear my crazy stories doncha?

Which reminds me, my long lost aunt and I had a conversation on the phone comparing and contrasting Mormons (my religion) and Seventh Day Adventists (her religion). It was very interesting. I think she is the only person I can talk about Mormonism with where the conversation doesn't end in a fight unlike my twin brother who is Southern Baptist and reminds me that I'm going to hell every minute he gets. Of course what was even weirder about my aunt's and my conversation together was that we first started off by talking about free masons of which my Church of Christ and her Methodist ex are both members of. We embrace our weirdness.

Also, there's a checker at my local Krogers that looks like Eric of True Blood. I got real weird and told the checker that. Dude that is hotness:

By the way, if you're religious and you're watching that show, you are so bad.

But Sookie makes me feel better about my teeth.

PS: If you're on a feed reader and you haven't clicked over to Screwed Up Texan, then check it out--I've made some color and design changes. More changes to come, but probably not until my kids are in school in a month.

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Queen Marzipan said...

I HEART ERIC he is also on generation kill

Candance said...

Your husband said you need to lose weight? Do you need help hiding the body?

Ashley Sisk said...

But I seriously love True Blood and Eric is hot...I can still go to church, right? :)

brooke said...

Well I am not sure if the checker looks like Eric but you are funny so I will check this blog out.


Screwed Up Texan said...

Queen, really? Im going to have to check that out!

Candance, perhaps. ;)

Ashley, Your secret is good with me.

Brooke, he totally does. Sweeeet.

kelly said...

being a nonfitting in mormon...i so understand your posts : )

Screwed Up Texan said...

Kelly, Guess I've never been a conformist...I tried, but failed!

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