I was with my friend last week when she lit up a cigarette during our conversation. I didn't give her smoking a second thought until about two minutes later my throat began to feel scratchy.
By the next morning I had full blown laryngitis.
I thought I had allergies.
I told everyone I have allergies.
I've been hacking and coughing and blowing my nose and telling everyone it was because of allergies.
Then my husband got sick (why does my husband whine like one of our kids when he's sick?).
I felt awful. I felt like a hypocrite. I mean I hate it myself when people don't stay home when they're sick because I'm afraid they're going to make me sick and what have I been doing all weekend...
...besides making all the rednecks within two hundred miles get sick.
My husband then tells me in a very much I'm About to Die voice, that he needs to go to the doctor now. He doesn't think he's going to make it.
I roll my eyes, but I say nothing. I say nothing because the last time I ignored him he really was ill and I ended up not only having to take him to a doctor where he puked stomach bile because he hadn't eaten in four days, but also being told by that doctor to take him to an emergency room to have three puss-filled abscesses lanced from the back of his throat of which he then got hooked up to morphine to relieve the pain.
I know, I'm a sucky wife.
So I took him to the doctor Tuesday. The verdict: Severe sinusitis caused by allergic rhinitis.
It's the same for me.
So, I really do have allergies.
And you don't have to worry about keeping your Walmart and Dairy Queen trips to a minimum to escape the rednecks I thought I had infected.
Then again, if you frequently find yourself stopping at Walmarts and Dairy Queens like they're stop signs, well then you might just be a redneck yourself.
PS: Pick up a Dairy Queen Butterfinger Blizzard before you get to the Walmart Pharmacy because you're going to be waiting for a long time in line. Just sayin'.