Screwed Up Texan has moved!

You will be automatically redirected to the new address. If that does not occur, visit
and update your bookmarks.

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Why I Don't Drive on Roadtrips


The Hubs trying out his Sobe pose. We were quite bored can't you tell?

I'm not exactly sure where we were...I think we had just got my strawberry pie from Whataburger that they forgot to put in my bag through the drive-thru window and we had traveled down the road for a little ways. It was at this point that my husband pulled off the road near some motels and said that he needed to take a nap.

His double cheeseburger was making him sleeping he confessed.

So he ordered me to drive so he could let his cheeseburger settle while he slept it off. We switched seats and he leaned back the passenger side seat til it almost hit my oldest on his knees, grabbed himself a pillow and adjusted himself in his seat. He grumbled something under his breath about not liking fast food, and then I grabbed the steering wheel, put the key in the ignition and pressed the gas.

What would you know if he didn't sit straight up in his seat.

"Nervous Honey?" I asked him.

"Well yes, you're driving!" he exclaimed.

"Get over it," I retorted back. "You're the one who is so full you're sleepy. That's what you get for eating my strawberry pie."

Then he proceeded to backseat drive: Slow down! Hurry up! You're pressing the breaks too hard!

Oh you mean like this?

"Oh my gosh!! We're all gonna die!" he shouted.

And for a moment my life flashed before my eyes as I ran the red light.

At least he learned to keep quiet after that.

I usually never drive on roadtrips for obvious reasons. This roadtrip should have been no different. I made it through horrendous Austin traffic, and miles of highway afterward even as the crazy man in the old sportscar behind me began to tail my butt.

I loathe it when drivers do that.

What this jerk didn't realize is that I am no normal mommy van driver. I have spent way too many high school afternoons sitting in front of a television playing Mario Kart. Albeit I was in a minivan and high school was well over ten years ago, I was not going to let that deter me from making sure I kept front position and the jerkwad in the ugly sportscar stayed behind me.

So I slowed down...way down.

A little car maneuvering later as he tried to pass me on my right and then back on my left, I finally conceded once I saw my exit for Canyon Lake come up. As he came up to my left side I gave him a dirty look and then he tried to ram me! This is where playing Mario Kart came in handy as I got out of his way before any damage was done. At this point my husband yelled at me to cut it out before I killed us all, so I listened and obeyed like a submissive wife and took the exit for Canyon Lake.

Five miles down the road, I pulled the van over still fuming over the road rage incident ten minutes back. I got out of my van and told the hubs it was his turn to drive.

He couldn't have been more relieved.

Let's Review Why I Don't Drive on Roadtrips:

I stop every couple hours for restroom breaks or to stretch my legs.
I don't take directions very well from the passenger seat.
I tend to get pissed off at little men in big cars.

Now I know why my husband hates eating fast food on roadtrips...I just never knew it had something to do with my driving.

Be sure to check out my other Spring Break 2010 Posts:

Part 1: Texas Weather is Like a Box of Chocolates
Part 2: Roadtrip Cheapwadry - Driving on the Wild Side
Part 3: Why I Don't Drive on Roadtrips
Part 4: Canyon Lake
Part 5: Hooker Hotels and Long Lost Aunts
Part 6: The Alamo and I Still Have No Clue Who Jim Bridger Is
Part 7: Let's Go to Luckenbach Texas


The Boob Nazi said...

I always slow down when someone's tailing me. Then I speed up once they get out from behind me and try to pass me. I'm a jerk.

ForeverRhonda said...

I think we're sister-drivers! I almost got rammed a few months back because I wouldn't let someone over. I would have except they were NOT nice about it. Jerkwads.

FluffyChicky said...

The Husband and I are just opposite...I love to drive and I can't stand it when he does. I am convinced that he will kill us. Or maybe it is a control issue thing. I just have to be in charge all the time.

But I entice road rage too...I am the tailgate-er though. If you aren't going to go the speed limit or at least 5 mph over it, then get out of my way! :)

DangGina said...

The only thing worse than cars riding your tail is when cars pass you, slow down, and don't let you pass. I have the damnedest luck with that when I go on road trips...

Leiah said...

If I'm in the car by myself and someone is tailgating me you can rest assured I'll be brake-checking them. The they get pissed and try to pass but guess who's already figured that out and speeding up before they do. As bad as that is, if we're in the mustang and That Man is driving you better not mess with him because he's like a Fast & The Furious kind of driver...he will jack you up! I act scared but secretly, LOVE IT!

Foursons said...

Was that little man short and bald too? Nothing against short, bald men but that complex kicks in sometimes. I'm guessing he was over-compensating for his shortness, baldness, and/or his penis size.

Screwed Up Texan said...

The Boob Nazi, I did that once with my sister int eh car. We both got a big kick out of it b/c we realized we were way too the same.

Forever Rhonda, That's what I'm saying...if only they had been nice about it I likely would have been too.

Fluffy Chicky, I have those control issues too. lol

DangGina, Ha I hate that too!

Leiah, The reason why I stopped tailgating people ten years ago is because someone brake checked me on a wet road. I didnt get hurt, but boy did I almost pee my pants!

Foursons, Oh hmm, interesting conclusion. Wow.

NitWit1 said...

If my husband was writing this post, he would surely agree with my husband, but he isn't. Truthfully he IS the better driver, exception being when his cataracts got bad and his vision deteriorated. Then I was truly scared to ride with him. In Little Rock maxi-traffic hours, I thought we surely were going to rear-end someone before we got out of time.

After he had surgery and could se like he was 30 again, I told him how bad his driving had been.

Blog Widget by LinkWithin