Monday, February 22, 2010
I have the best husband ever for me. Sure he's got his faults just like everybody else, like when he complains that I am not much of a lady, but I'd like to declare that it's not all my fault. After all, it's hard being a lady being the lone female around here. I cook him meals, I clean his clothes, I pay all the bills, I prune the bushes, I shave my legs once a week, every once in a while I vacuum, and occasionally I even scrub the toilets.
I am more than three times a lady.
I only ask four things in return from my husband: A, that he unstops the poopy commodes; B, that he takes out the trash before the possums get it; C, that he provides for our family; D, that he goes to bed with me at night. I swear I am the best wife ever for him.
Even still, my husband goes way above and beyond my call of his duties. For instance, this week alone he has:
1.) Scrubbed the kitchen floor on his hands and knees
2.) Replaced the garbage disposal after a major Lego disaster
3.) Scared off wild critters that had dragged our trash all over the backyard, twice
4.) Cleaned the entire upstairs that the kids destroyed in record time
5.) Shampooed dog crap off the carpet in our bedroom that I had stepped in and tracked all over
and he even 6.) Plucked my eyebrows for me:
The best was when he 7.) took the kids to the movies for three hours and let me have some peace and quiet over the weekend. I got absolutely nothing done during the time they were gone, but I sure felt like I had recharged during that time. I ate an entire Totinos pizza by myself, made some granola bars, fiddled around on my computer, and even let Lily outside to pee.
I may now have to add one more item to my husband's list of duties: E, Take the kids out more often.
In the meantime, I'm just going to admire my new eyebrows. You know, since I'm afraid of getting any of my hair professionally worked on again.
When all is said and done, I think if my husband really stopped and thought about it, he'd sing me this Lionel Richie song:
Or not. He thinks Lionel Richie songs are too Air Supply-ish. Then again, if I can convince him to pluck my eyebrow hairs, I'm thinking I can convince him to do anything.
What I'm Talkin' About: Humor