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Tuesday, February 2, 2010

I'm a Cotillion Master's Worst Nightmare


I've come to the conclusion that if I were ever rich and famous, and someone wanted to stalk me, that the best place to guess where I'd be eating would not be some fancy restaurant with frou frou salad and artsy dessert, but rather a homestyle joint with abundant hamburgers, fattening pastas, and free refills on Dr Peppers. Oh and ranch dressing.

Also, if I were famous, I'd probably still be my today-self and play with my food (McDonald's Happy Meal toy dinosaurs and hamburger meat--that's all I've got to say), get mad when I had to pay for drink refills (businesses have lost my patronage over this), and gawk over any meal over $15. Actually, $15 is quite a price to pay for dinner for one person come to think of it. Really. As my husband's grandmother always says: I have this terrible disease, everything I eat turns to crap.

In other words, it doesn't matter if you pay $8, $18 or $80 for that steak, because it's all gonna turn to human waste anyway.

Gotta love Grandma.

Oh and I'd probably still think every bowl or plate put in the middle of the table was the community dish. This is true at Mexican restaurants, but not so much at the big fancy restaurants. Word to the Wise: Never leave your butterknife on the dish with the big pat of butter unattended while sitting next to someone who has taken cotillion lessons.

Or dip your bread directly into the herbed oil on the table either. That's apparently what your bread plate is for. Oh, and use the provided bread plate, otherwise you'll have a waiter coming to your table's rescue and scooping away the bread crumbs.


That my friends is why I feel so much more comfortable in the back corner of my neighborhood Chili's, IHOP, McDonald's, and Sonic. No cotillion lessons required. Really, eating in my car isn't just a matter of convenience, but also a matter of personal manners preference seeing as I have no dining etiquette. At least I am pretty darn sure that each of these joints have Dr Pepper in my area, unlike some places.

Disclosure: OnStar paid for my frou frou meal at Andiamos Riverfront. It was actually reasonably priced and they had Dr Pepper. That's one fine dining restaurant I'd definitely visit again. If they haven't put me on their "Never Serve Again" list. Hmmm, I wonder if those actually exist.

Full Disclosure

11 Comments:

Kristi said...

I love Grandma's saying! I have a hard time splurging on fancy dinners, too. I'm always calculating how many days' worth of groceries this one meal costs.

Candance said...

Oh, Honey. The offer for bootcamp stands.

Foursons said...

Did you have to dress up to go to the fru fru restaurant? I hate dressing up and if a place requires it then I'm not going.

Becky said...

Oh, I know the feeling. I am forever sweeping bread crumbs off the table. Love Grandma's saying, too!

Screwed Up Texan said...

Kristi, I am so with you on that one! $50 for me is 1/2 a week's worth of groceries.

Candance, I seriously will take you up on it. As long as it's free.

Foursons, You know, I dont know if I had to dress up for it. I already was dressed up because of other events I was attending, but I am sure that if I had come dressed in my blue jeans they probably wouldve kicked me out. I think.

Becky, Yeah for Grandma! I am going to have to tell her!

rae said...

Thanks for the visit and comment. What a delight to see a new face! Made my day.

Wym said...

YAY! Another Texas girl! I must now follow you!

Screwed Up Texan said...

Rae, I love poking around on the internet. Always great meeting new people!

Wym, Texas friends always welcome!! Love it!

NitWit1 said...

I, my husband and most of our friends don't qualify for cotillions. We believe in casual dining in casual clothes with causual manners on any day of the week. Our area is retiree/tourist.

We have sufficient but not stuffy manners. Few restaurants even have butter knives.

And where we attend church men's ties are frowned upon.

Chet Of The Undead said...

I'd be eating would not be some fancy restaurant with frou frou salad and artsy dessert, but rather a homestyle joint with abundant hamburgers, fattening pastas, and free refills on Dr Peppers. Oh and ranch dressing.

You mean you can get Ranch dressing FLAVORED DR PEPPER??? THAT'S FREAKIN' SWEET!!

I swear you have all the fun ma'am, all the fun!! :)

(McDonald's Happy Meal toy dinosaurs and hamburger meat--that's all I've got to say),

Bwow-cheeka cheeka wow-wow! ;) lol Cool, but do you do Shakespeare reenactments with your happy meal toys? Pagan Rituals? I sacrifice the Quarter Pounder with cheese lord to the heathen Tiki idol...as potrayed in this case by our honorable Count...or AKA my lovely piehole! :)

Hmmm, I wonder if those actually exist.

Indeed they do....I'm practically the Joe Pesci/Nicky Santoro of Dinning outlaws....I've been given the ol'chinatown heave-ho outta more eatteries than I'd suspect Prince has in pairs of buttless purple pants!!

How does it feel to have an OUTLAW visiting your blog? (again) ;) lol

Mindee@ourfrontdoor said...

I cannot believe that Dr. P has not contacted you yet. :)

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