Tuesday, February 2, 2010
I've come to the conclusion that if I were ever rich and famous, and someone wanted to stalk me, that the best place to guess where I'd be eating would not be some fancy restaurant with frou frou salad and artsy dessert, but rather a homestyle joint with abundant hamburgers, fattening pastas, and free refills on Dr Peppers. Oh and ranch dressing.
Also, if I were famous, I'd probably still be my today-self and play with my food (McDonald's Happy Meal toy dinosaurs and hamburger meat--that's all I've got to say), get mad when I had to pay for drink refills (businesses have lost my patronage over this), and gawk over any meal over $15. Actually, $15 is quite a price to pay for dinner for one person come to think of it. Really. As my husband's grandmother always says: I have this terrible disease, everything I eat turns to crap.
In other words, it doesn't matter if you pay $8, $18 or $80 for that steak, because it's all gonna turn to human waste anyway.
Gotta love Grandma.
Oh and I'd probably still think every bowl or plate put in the middle of the table was the community dish. This is true at Mexican restaurants, but not so much at the big fancy restaurants. Word to the Wise: Never leave your butterknife on the dish with the big pat of butter unattended while sitting next to someone who has taken cotillion lessons.
Or dip your bread directly into the herbed oil on the table either. That's apparently what your bread plate is for. Oh, and use the provided bread plate, otherwise you'll have a waiter coming to your table's rescue and scooping away the bread crumbs.
That my friends is why I feel so much more comfortable in the back corner of my neighborhood Chili's, IHOP, McDonald's, and Sonic. No cotillion lessons required. Really, eating in my car isn't just a matter of convenience, but also a matter of personal manners preference seeing as I have no dining etiquette. At least I am pretty darn sure that each of these joints have Dr Pepper in my area, unlike some places.
Disclosure: OnStar paid for my frou frou meal at Andiamos Riverfront. It was actually reasonably priced and they had Dr Pepper. That's one fine dining restaurant I'd definitely visit again. If they haven't put me on their "Never Serve Again" list. Hmmm, I wonder if those actually exist.