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Thursday, February 25, 2010

Dent in My Pride

For the longest time I used to brag that I had never gotten a ticket while driving. I used to boast how I could talk my way out of tickets like that one time I got pulled over in Moab, Utah for running a red light. I also wasn't carrying insurance because it has just expired and I didn't see the reason in getting another policy when I was getting married in less than a week anyway. Needless to say, the cop gave me the biggest lecture of my life and then sent me on my way. He also called me a "crappy driver" right in front of my fiance. What the officer didn't know was that I had been driving fifteen hours straight that day, was tired, and that his comment on my driving skills would be my husband's excuse to make fun of my driving for the next ten years.

The Hubs: "You're a crappy driver. Even that cop thought so."

Me: "Yah, well how many tickets have you gotten dear? Remember that one time I talked that one cop out of giving you a ticket when we were coming back from Duchesne, Utah? I do. Remember, I told him we were arguing and that's why you were driving in the passing lane. I also remember quite vividly how I talked that highway patrolman in Colorado out of giving you a ticket when you drove backwards on the shoulder of Interstate 70 by telling him your cap flew out the window and you just wanted to pick it up. Thank God there was a cap a few hundred feet down the road when that cop made me get out of our van and retrieve it to prove you weren't lying. Lucky dog. At least I have never gotten a ticket before!"

And then one day as I was driving to the bank to make one of the last payments on our truck, I saw flashing blue lights behind me. I got not only pulled over, but also ticketed for going ten over in a school zone. So what if school had already started and I was on my way out of said school zone and there were only two minutes left in said school zone. I had jinxed myself.

But at least I had never been in a wreck!

(Me running over a stop sign because my gas pedal stuck, me running into a garage door and slightly damaging it, and me hitting my own mailbox all do not count. Because no one saw me do it.)

Until Monday...when I was minding  my own business in a parking lot driving past a bank when a lady pulled out from the drive by teller area and hit the side of my van while I was on the way to find out how much money it was going to cost to fix my fancy camera lens.

Monday was not my day. I had again jinxed myself.

I think it's time I quit bragging about never being involved in stress-inducing matters. In fact, if Karma has it's way, then I'll be speaking publicly in church very soon. Now that would be disastrous. Or very funny. I'll let you decide. But hey, at least I can't get ticketed at church! At least I don't think I can.

Knock on wood.


Mahala said...

"(Me running over a stop sign because my gas pedal stuck, me running into a garage door and slightly damaging it, and me hitting my own mailbox all do not count. Because no one saw me do it.)"

I'm glad someone else understands the rules besides just me!

K. Erickson said...

I am so glad I no longer handle personal auto claims. Blog bling awaits you at:

Paula said...

Man I hate it when I'm minding my own business and someone else wrecks my day. Get it? Wrecks. Do you think people have it out for us because we are bloggers?

Hoping the other lady had insurance and that you get this all fixed soon.


LoveFeast Table said...

Can I just tell you, on Tuesday, I ran into a parked car. My tank (suburban) crumpled that Toyota bumper like a tin can. Musta been in the air!

Screwed Up Texan said...

Mahala, No Cop No Stop!

K Erickson, Thank you for the recognition! I stopped by and left a comment.

Paula, Wrecks my that would also have made a great title!

Lovefeast Table, I should probably not mention that one time I ran into a parked car while in college...

Mindee@ourfrontdoor said...

I only have one ticket to my name from 1990 but my husband swears that cops are nicer to women.

I say it's because I'm a better driver. I'm sure you are too even with the dent. :)

R.J. said...

I hit a tree in '83
on my way to work.
It never had a chance,
I broke the lower branch.

The cop said,
"Why aren't you dead?"
Then I said,
"Did I ruin your day?"

I'll send you a photo
Of my recent halo.
Then you can celebrate
My recent demise.

You go pound sand,
I'll give you a hand.
Don't rain on my parade,
Today, I make lemonade.

Wym said...

I don't want to count the traffic infractions I have had. Ive even been pulled over for driving on a sidewalk.

DangGina said...

If you do, somehow, get ticketed in church, PLEASE post it on your blog!

Sorry about Karma and whatnot. That Karma's a real B____ if catch my drift.

I got pulled over in a school zone too; no ticket, but I had to go to traffic school. DAMN. Then I got a ticket because I may or may not have stopped completely at the stop sign guarding a very un-busy rail road crossing. Damn Nazi cop...that ticket cost me $75! UGH!

Jane said...

Only you, dear Allie, could make your craptastic day sound funny.

And what did I tell you about the fancyass camera? You take it off of auto & things start to break. They just do.

You deserve a day of lounging in your banana pajamas. Tell your kids I said so.

mindy@thesuburbanlife said...

I've never gotten a ticket before either (only came close once when I passed a firetruck on its way out of the station *without* its lights on...apparently I was supposed to be a mind reader and determine that the firetruck was in fact on its way to an emergency and not, say, on its way to Safeway to grocery shop.) Anyway. I figure I'm due any day now for my ticket...19 years of deserving one is bound to pay off at some point in time. Sorry for your "case of the Mondays." =)

Screwed Up Texan said...

Mindee, Ha! I am the better driver...although I am definitely more cautious in parking lots now after all this.

RJ, You are a poet and you didn't even know it.

Wym, A sidewalk eh? Who were you trying to hit?

DangGina, For real, I don't understand tickets sometimes. I mean, if it were an intersection I'd understand because you just never know who might be coming that you cannot see. But a railroad crossing...that is a whole nother story. Were the lights flashing?

Jane, Yes my friend, you are always right. You should have seen my Spongebob pajamas.

Mindy, once a cop turned on his lights right behind me while I was going the speed limit (70 mph mind you). I pulled over onto the shoulder and then vroooom he sped right pass me and then turned his lights off. He just didn't want to be stuck behind me. You bet I honked at him.

Victor | UPrinting said...

"Monday was not my day. I had again jinxed myself."

Well, I am starting to believe that almost 75% of bad luck happens on a Monday. Let us hope I am wrong. Knock on wood :-)

Deb said...

Sounds to me like you need a large glass of Dr. Pepper ! ;)

I brag all the time about never having received a ticket - but no more after reading this post!

Screwed Up Texan said...

Deb, If I jinxed you, I apologize.

Sell...Party Of 4 said...

Cops stink.

Only been pulled over once, but I really wish that they would stop pulling over my husband so I didn't have to pay his tickets and traffic school.

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