Friday, February 5, 2010
Note: If you are arriving to this post from some perverted entry in a search engine, you will probably not find what you are looking for. Like that one time I wrote about my apron fetish which isn't really a fetish, but rather the fact that I love aprons. When I wrote that post in September of 2008 I had no idea what a fetish was. In other words, you will be sorely disappointed. Now moving along...
Thursday I spent all day baking brownies with cherries, toffee sauce, and chocolate, and then making scented bath salts and sugar scrubs to giveaway to the ladies in my church's Relief Society meeting last night. I reaped the rewards of my labors through eating at least five-thousand extra calories and listening to a lady at church who works in geriatrics give us ladies a talk on cleansing ourselves well by reminding us to "spread our vulvas" and "not douche".
Honestly, that is all I remember from her lesson.
Honestly, I think that is all anyone remembers from her lesson.
Let's just say it is a lesson I will never ever ever ever forget.
Kind of like when I was a teenager and another teen came up to the pulpit during our worship services to bear her testimony and instead of saying gentiles, she had a Freudian Slip. Or when my husband's six year old cousin who had just finished watching Austin Powers got up to bear her testimony and instead talked about Fat Bastard's mangina.
(And this my friends is why I don't dare bear my testimony, because I can't trust what would come out of my own mouth. I do it for all y'all's better good. Yes, I am not just a Latter-day Saint, but also a saint.)
Now I would like to close this blog post with the testimony that at least thirty women now know how to cleanse themselves better, that I have never watched Austin Powers mostly because I hate the name Fat Bastard, and that one day the gentiles will come back to the fold.
Oh and that I share the same birthday with Mini Me.
PS: This blog post has been pre-read and approved by our friends on Twitter. If you feel at all offended, blame them. Then again, I better not tell you who they are. However, you can thank @ziptheusa for the title to this post.