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Wednesday, October 21, 2009

You've Got Questions? I've Got Answers.

Note: the photograph above has nothing to do with the post below.

As I was sitting in front of my computer yesterday morning contemplating life and strategy and blogging and such, a thought occurred to me...and mostly someone else's thought, because I wasn't really feeling very creative at that moment either. What occurred to me is that I write so much about what I like that perhaps I am neglecting to write about what you want to read about me.

Like have you ever had questions for me that you'd like answered? Like questions about love and breakfast options and what the moon is made out do realize the moon is made out of green cheese, right? Now you know. My great-grandmother taught me that fact and she knew everything.


So then I had an epiphany this morning--an epiphany as large and wide as my head. I should hold a Question and Answer session like I've seen several other bloggers do. So what would you like to know about me? Send me your pressing questions to: screweduptexan(at)gmail(dot)com and fire away!

First Question for Me Courtesy of the great Love Feast Table: If you could have dinner with 10 people, who would they be?

It should be noted that I wrote the names of people as they came to me in order of thought...

Wow, ten people is a lot. Well, I am assuming that I am not sitting alone at this wonderful feast. I also assume that dead people don't count so I guess Jesus and my great-grandmother are out. I also notice that you didn't ask me what we'd be eating, so that means you must keep up with me on Twitter...and that is probably a good thing since my family has been known to eat rollie pollies and pecan weevils. Not at the dinner table, just for fun and on a dare. However, I don't participate in those kinds of feasts as the burnt African caterpillar my friend sneaked onto an airplane in college pretty much ended my love of exotic fodder.

But getting back to the point here--the first two people I'd invite to dinner would be Jim Carrey and my twin brother and only if they could make it to the feast together and then be sitting next to each other. The reason is quite simple I tell ya: I think those two paired up would make me laugh more than the scene in License to Wed when the fake baby's head falls off in the shopping mall. Truth is that Mr. Carrey and my male half are quite alike in mannerisms, speech, and tickle-bone funny skills. I've often wondered if Jim Carrey was my brother's idol growing up. In fact, have you seen this Letterman episode with Jim Carrey lately?

WARNING: You should probably stop reading now.

Now that I've got Numero Uno and Numero Dos marked off on my guest list, I'd then invite both Oprah and Ellen DeGeneres to my feast. Now I know what you are thinking--the only reason I'd invite celebrities over is so I can bribe them into buying me a new stove and changing out my carpet upstairs, but you're HALF-wrong. Half-wrong because I don't have any money or neat doodads to bribe them with. I just think it would be hilarious to watch a conversation between my male half, Mr. Carrey, Ellen, and Oprah at my dinner table. Maybe we can talk about the weather or those five kinds of fat sitting on my kitchen counter


Maybe we can talk about Lily, my Yorkie, as she'd be next on my list of invitees to eat with. I think I'd place Lily between Ellen and Jim Carrey and watch the comedian powers unleash. Can you imagine Oprah's face with a dog at the dinner table? I don't think she could handle it. Of course, Lily would have to eat what the rest of us are eating since she still refuses to eat regular dog food. We'd have our meal prepared by Paula Deen in some of uber cool turquoise colored pots and pans set at Wally World. So I guess hat means Miss Paula is coming too.

Which reminds me, Miley Cyrus would also have to make it to the dinner, because not only is she totally awesome, but I also super adore her fashion line at Wally World. She's just not allowed to wear the stirrup-pants.

One, Two, Three, Four, Five, Six, Seven, Eight...two more to go.

I suppose at some point I oughta invite my husband to the dinner party since he's the one that rolls in the dough around here, although I think he'd have serious issues with a dog as a dinner guest, but I think he could live with it.

Last, but not least, Id invite my mail carrier, Gabriel, because I get this impression that he doesn't get out much. Now I could be wrong as he seems completely suave and all. I also have a feeling he'd be fun to carry a conversation with. Plus, can you imagine me running out to meet said mail carrier and telling him Oprah, Ellen, and Jim Carrey were in my house right at that moment? He'd probably freak out and speed off and then call his supervisor to tell them the news. Then everybody would think he was crazy and not me so that is actually a good thing.

Maybe I should just tell him Miley and Paula are there. That's more believable.

PS: You should have just stopped reading at the Letterman video.


LoveFeast Table said...

Sounds like your dinner party would be a hoot! We're just sorry we didn't make your list! So, if you could invite 12 guests...? :) Fun idea for a post! Can't wait to see the other questions!

Screwed Up Texan said...

LoveFeast, I do have extra seating with my new tabletop you know :) If I could, I'd invite all my blogging friends to dinner with me. People I've met and those I havnt too.

DangGina said...

Sounds like a party! I think I'd steal a few off your list (namely Ellen DeGeneres and Paula Dean...and perhaps Oprah, depending). Not bad, not bad.

I'm going to have to think about a real quality question to ask you... :)

Everyday Girl said...

I love your guest list! I guess there would be laughter to last a lifetime right on that table.
You might want to invite Jesus though; the guy's alive - not dead. Thats why we celebrate Easter Sunday... just a thought

Screwed Up Texan said...

DangGina, Mostly I want to invite Oprah to show her my five kinds of fat. lol

EverydayGirl, Crap! You're right. Jesus IS alive...can you imagine Jesus at my dinner table though with my guest list? Ha!

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