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Monday, October 26, 2009

Unofficial Grande Tour de Walmart

There are a few secrets to obtaining the most magnificent of nights out with girlfriends. You mustn't be an experienced painter of the town, but you must be a fun spirited and gregarious soul. Even better, you should have a hot ride such as this one to go cruising the town in and you better be going somewhere elegantly extravagant...

Like Walmart.

That's right, we decided to embark on the Unofficial Tour de le Grande Dame Walmart de Highland Village. The Great Mother of all Walmarts if Walmarts could have parental units. The Walmart where anything is possible such as freshly made sushi and divinely inspired pastries. The Walmart where no People of Walmart can be found...yes, it is possible.

First, proper procedure must be met when indulging on a such a grand tour:

1.) A greasy, calorie laden meal should be eaten in the driver's seat. Each friend should take part in this right of passage. It is especially nice when no one owns the getaway car and so if the pizza does on purpose accidentally get spilled on the steering wheel, someone else has to clean it up.

(For the record, Donna did not tell me to spill pizza in the car, but my story would not be as cool if I didn't embellish it a little.)

Just thank the heavens above that the photo of me caressing said pizza is currently unavailable.

2.) Arrive to the Grande Dame of Walmarts in style. Ensure that the driver parks correctly. Make her pull up if she doesn't. Also for the record books, Donna was driving.

3.) If you have big cameras, like we do, try to take covert shots. You really don't want anyone kicking you out for photographing the store.

What makes the Highland Village Walmart so special?

1.) I like to think it is because they saved this 125 year old pecan tree from utter destruction when they built the Walmart in its present location. It is all about the pecan tree. (Remember: PUH-con, thanks.)

2.) Where else can you purchase both a $2.97 bottle of  wine and...

A $238.87 bottle of wine in the same Wally World? If you drink, this is your haven to go shopping with shelves and shelves of alcoholic tonic.

Remember ladies, take covert photographs.

3.) I hear there's a bike for sale here for $2500. Everyday low price, because the same bike in the adjoining town is $4500. So I hear. PS: No automotive center here. Only a bicycle repair shop. Although I have never actually seen anyone ride their bike to this Walmart.

4.) Sushi bar...need I say more?

5.) Automatic lights that turn on and off to conserve energy. More remarkable--nearly empty aisles. Even more remarkable than the more remarkable? Still no People of Walmart in the aisles.

6.) Friendly Walmart Greeters like Don T. here. Don and I are buddies, seeing each other once per week when I do my shopping rounds. What is so special about Don? Besides the fact that he doesn't chase me around in a motorized buggie like another Walmart greeter in another store because he thinks I am stealing something, but on the other hand always greets me with a grin and a "hello".

I found one more reason to love Don last week when out with the girls: his name tag. Instead of having his manager write his name as "Don T." on his plastic badge, he had them spell it "Don'T". Why? According to Don, "because Don T. would have been too boring. What is the fun in that?"

Don'T, I couldn't agree more.

And as Donna said regarding if you like Don, "You either Do or you Don'T." Nice......


Candance said...

That Wal-Mart also has the best produce section on the planet. And, even though traffic in and out does have to be directed by the po-lice on the weekends, it never feels overly crowded to me.

If I have to do Wal-Mart, that's the one I frequent.

DangGina said...

What the what?! I never knew that such a Walmart could even exist! You lucky, lucky girl!

mindy@thesuburbanlife said...

Okay, if I hadn't seen pictures I would never have believed that such a place existed. In fact, I'm seriously contemplating contacting my local Walmart and demanding to know why our neighborhood doesn't does one go about getting that kind of Walmart?
Love your blog, btw.

NitWit1 said...

I'm an avid WM shopper. In fact the 2nd largest in the world was bult in Mtn. Home Ar a few years ago. I'd sure love to tour the Grand Dame, but I'll just have to drool.

GreenTease said...

Jealous!!! Our Wally World DOES NOT have Sushi!!!

Screwed Up Texan said...

Candance, Yes! And they seriously need to put some traffic lights there. So tired of seeing my life flash before my eyes every time I leave.

DangGina, We are lucky indeed.

Mindy, Hee hee, you should see the Wally World in the adjoining town. ..or not.

NitWit1, I heard of that Walmart! I wanna go!

GreenTease, and they make it fresh every morning. I need to take some covert shots of that!

the nightingale said...

Wow! That's got to be the classiest Wal-Mart yet and I've been to some nice win. :) Tell Don T. he's a celebrity and doesn't know it yet. :) Just kiddin' ;)

Phoo-D said...

Wow what a fancy Wallmart! None of ours look anything like that =)

Anonymous said...

I want to quote your post in my blog. It can?
And you et an account on Twitter?

VanderbiltWife said...

Seriously, that's insane! I think there are an abundance of People of Walmart at ours. It DOES have an interesting parking lot, though, because they built it around a creek and there are bridges everywhere.

Thanks for linking from A Southern Fairytale! The "Don'T" tag cracked me up!

Rachel said...

Oh my word. I want to visit that Walmart because I would LOVE to see the produce section and just see a store with conservation lights, too cool!

I love the way you wrote this and the accompanying 'covert' pics :-)

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