Screwed Up Texan has moved!

You will be automatically redirected to the new address. If that does not occur, visit
http://screweduptexan.com
and update your bookmarks.

Friday, June 26, 2009

It Don't Matter


Warning: This post contains high levels of complete randomness.

Sometimes as a parent I just want to hold my hands up high in the air and scream, "What the heck is the matter with y'all!" Of course, I probably wouldn't be saying heck either. Look, my kids are natural born knuckleheads--especially my youngest. It doesn't matter how many times I tell them not to do something, they do it. It doesn't matter how many times I give them the stink-eye or put them in timeout, they still disobey. I've probably had more meltdowns than them.

Like that time my youngest stripped himself inside the Flower Mound Texas Post Office and I about died. My husband does all the mailings now.

Or that time they prank called 911. Uh huh.

Which reminds me...I've been telling my kids to stop throwing their toys over the fence and into the creep's side yard ever since we moved in here almost two years ago. Last week my youngest decided he was going to drop a chalk-colored landscape brick over the fence. Next thing I know the kids are running in the house screaming "Scary Jerry is coming over Mommy!" To which I threw my hands up in the air and yelled, "What the heck is the matter with y'all?"

Doorbell chimes and it's Scary Jerry at the door with an exacerbated, "I want to let you know that since you called the police on me, next time your kids drop something over the fence I am calling the police on you!"

To which I replied as content and happily as I could, "Next time they do that Jerry, I want you to call the police." Dude, that is a can of worms you do not want to open.

Fast forward today: I am again in Flower Mound on my way to my middle son's eye doctor's appointment. I did everything right--dressed them an hour beforehand and left twenty minutes earlier than needed. Then I hopped in my car with the kids and drove, and drove, and drove, and you get the idea. I never did find the eye doctor's office even after stopping and asking a local dentist office for directions. I drove for forty minutes and couldn't find the stinking place. Thirty minutes after my son's appointment I finally gave up and went home and had a meltdown. Found out they're next to a sandwich shop to which I wanted to scream, "What the heck is the matter with y'all!"

Then I remembered it really wasn't their fault--it was mine for not charging my cell phone battery so I could call for directions. Oh and somehow my own vision was blurry over crying to the beat of "It Don't Matter If You're Black or White! Ow!" Dang you Michael.

And now my oldest has politely informed me his little brother just gave him a wedgie. Later folks.

21 Comments:

society's imperfection said...

you're an amazing blogger :D

x

Lee Beth said...

I'm never having kids!

Playwright Chick (aka Cheryl Duffin) said...

Maybe you should start telling them NOT to do what you WANT them to do...like Thing #1 & #2 in Cat in the Hat? Trick 'em into it! "Do NOT brush your teeth! I mean it! And do NOT wash that dirty dog, seriosly, do not!"

Tee hee - maybe? Nice site! I'm a Texan too!

nightmere said...

OMG!! That's so funny. In a bad way :/. I hope by reading your blog it helps me prepare for parenting in the future! :)

Screwed Up Texan said...

society's imperfection, Thanks!

Lee Beth, I'd probably say the same thing if I was childless and reading this.

Playwright Chick, Good advice...something to think about.

nightmere, Hopefully mine dont scare your desire to have children off like it has for Lee Beth, lol.

Mindee@ourfrontdoor said...

I just have the one boy and he is more than enough.

God bless you.

Library girl said...

I have one girl and two boys so cannot be sure if it's just a boy thing or that two or more of the same sex just egg each other on ... but I soooo hear what you're saying.

Big Daddy said...

Timeout - isn't that what teams call when they need to rethink thier strategy? Call me old school, but a good piece of hickory with a strong handle might revive your world. I know its not popular today because kids are too cute to spank. Unfortunately they those boys are going to grow up into 180 lbs teenagers who have no respect for authority. If we don't teach our kids to control themselves when they are young, their will be no controlling them when they are grown.

Screwed Up Texan said...

Mindee and Library girl, thanks for the support...maybe my kids aren't THE most mischievious kids on the planet. Maybe.

the nightingale said...

Bless your heart, but I have 6 under 9. :) Heard it all, done it all, wouldn't have it any other way. ;)

Screwed Up Texan said...

the nightingale, My MIL had five boys all within a ten year range so I have often wondered how she did it. Then again, I think when they are older I will look back and wonder how I did it also. They are sweet, and I love them, but my husband scares me by telling me it will only get worse the older our children get. (and then he laughs when he says it too which is not very comforting.)

Mik said...

But they're so dang adorable aren't they?

Ha ha, yeah having so many grand kids running around here at once is trying. But they know at grandma and grandpa's house it's our rules or the timeout corner.

Jana said...

Sooo glad I found you, you absolutely crack me up! I have been checkin in since yesterday....I keep staring at watermelon pie thinkin "is this for real? How could i have lived so long without that pie?"

jando said...

ur kids are classic hahaha prank called 911? whoosh (wiping my sweat). yeah it's tough to be a parent and i know a lot of people have their own ideas on how to raise them kids. You can discipline them, be tough on them or you choose the opposite approach like treat them so nicely and be passive about their mischief. but i believe it's our life example as parents that would make the biggest difference, how they see us handle our own pressures in life. If you love your child so much believe you me you will know when you should or shouldn't spank them

La Gringa said...

I raised 3 boys mostly by myself and your experiences sound very similar to mine! We lived in a bi-level house and they had a "playroom" downstairs. They probably broke 20 windows playing ball down there even though they'd been told a thousand times not to, been punished, had to pay for windows, etc. Finally, I put chicken wire over the windows. I guess I decided to start picking my battles instead of making myself crazy. My boys are now 22, 20 and about to be 17 and I'm very proud of each one of them. Nice feeling and very much worth every bit of the early years.

Oh and Big Daddy - they throw you in jail for that kind of parenting now. It's not a matter of "cute" - it's the law. Parenting is no longer an exercise in brutality, intimidation and fear. It actually takes some thought, finesse and ingenuity.

Inge' said...

I had to chuckle when I read this. Reminded me of the time I caught my son playing on the phone. Talking to the international operator! This was before 911.

I don't know what it is about boys, but they are soooo mischievous!

I started to turn white headed at an early age. Not gray WHITE. So my son tells all his friends now that the big patch on top is his. I just want to tag him sometimes and he is 26:)

You will survive this I promise!

Traci said...

I am new to your blog and just love it!!! Your book has me on the edge of my seat!!! Your boys sound just as silly as mine!! Gotta love em'.

Michelle Johnson said...

LOL at that post office story. I don't think I would go back to the post office either. My daughter called 911 once. It was because we had been teaching her how to use it and telling her when we're sick and can't respond that she should call. Of course, at her young age sick could mean anything. So, she called, officer arrived and I had to explain I was sickly to my stomach and she didn't understand fully I didn't need a doctor. Your neighbor is scary. I have to admit I wouldn't be comfortable living next to someone like that. Good luck on that situation. Hope he doesn't bother you guys to much.

Dan said...

bwahaha! OMG your writing cracked me up; best blog I've read in a long time. like one of your little ones I too use to get nakid at the drop of a hat when I was a tiny feller and it made my Mom crazy. -and- neighbor Scary Jerry reminded me of some putz in FLA that I recently read about. this 27 yr old guy lives in a cul-de-sac and cannot handle the beautiful noise that is children playing outside. so he decides to retaliate against the children by blaring a porno soundtrack out the windows so loud it could be heard for blocks. what a genius, some Judge is going to love that Court case.
I has a funny for you; please don't be offended. since you do the Texas thing I thought you may get a kick out of this; I don't know who wrote it or where I got it but I've had this bit for a while. here goes:
You Know You're 100% Texan When...
You 100% texan when............1. It doesn't bother you to use an airport named for a man who died in an airplane crash.2. You use the phrase "fixin' to" almost daily.3. Someone you know has used a football schedule to plan their wedding date.4. You've ever been excused from school because "the cows got out."5. You can properly pronounce the town Mexia and Mesquite.6. You can remember the name of the last state legislator to introduce a bill involving castration and he didn't mean farm animals.7. You know exactly what calf fries are, and eat them anyway.8. You can recall hot summers by the year they happened easier than you can remember your mother's birthday.9. You think that people who complain about the wind in their states are sissies.10. You know that the true value of a parking space is not determined by the distance to the door but by the availability of shade.11. You have owned at least one belt buckle bigger than your fist.12. A bad traffic jam involves two cars staring each other down at four-way stop, each determined to be the most polite and let the other one go first.13. When you hear a tornado siren, you go out and look for a funnel.14. Your "place at the lake" has wheels under it.15. You aren't surprised to find movie rental, ammunition, and bait all in the same store.16. A Mercedes Benz is not a status symbol. A Ford F350 4x4 is.17 . You know that everything goes better with Ranch.18 . You learned how to shoot a gun before you learned how to multiply.19. You know that "y'all" is singular and "all y'all" is plural.20 . You are 100% Texan if you have ever had this conversation:"You wanna Coke?""Yeah.""What kind?""Dr. Pepper." --- hope you like; no offense intended. xxoo Dan

sits_on_the_fence said...

good to know that kids are the same on your side of the pond.. and that parents are too :-)

Big Daddy said...

La Gringa I honor your effort with your sons. My brother and I was raised by a single mother as well. Of course I was embellishing about the hickory, but your comment makes my point perfectly clear. Spanking is now called brutality, teaching your kids to respect authority is called intimidation and training kids to think twice about bad behavior is called fear. My mother loved us deeply, but she would not have had to replace those windows more than once. Not because her parenting was an exercise in brutality, but because she would have made sure we regretted breaking those windows. I am glad your boys turned out fine but there are too many kids who are in the headlines because they have no fear of consequences for unexceptable behavior. Just because the drunk father beats his kids (believe me, I know) doesn't mean that the one who correctly spanks a child should go to jail. I have never beat my kids, but I have paddled their backside enough for them to know when I say something, they respect it. Anyway...thanks for your comment.

Blog Widget by LinkWithin