Thursday, May 28, 2009
This is what I do on Sundays while my children are at church--I look for spots to photograph in large fields around town. Sometimes I go on a hike with my husband and other times I will invent new recipes for my family. By large though my favorite thing to do is photograph nature.
My dilemma is that I was thinking about going back to church. It has been over a year since I have attended church and I am sure a lot has changed. One of the reasons I stopped attending was the result of all the mommy-cliques. I have never fit well into any sort of group. Throughout high school and college I hung out with everyone. It didn't matter if you were poor or well off, skater or preppy, goth or nerd--I was friends with just about everyone. This was good in some ways in that I learned to be tolerant of all people. However, I also didn't have many close friends--those I were close with I was very loyal to.
It was interesting sitting at the lunch table during high school. I usually sat by myself even though I could have picked anywhere in the lunchroom to sit. For some reason, being around large groups of my peers and seeing all their cliques really turned me off and brought out my shyness. I hated lunchtime.
So, that is how it has been at church. I am surrounded by many women--some my age and some not. I have never known where I fit in, because no one has really ever invited me into their circle. Even if I did enter their proverbial clan, would they accept me not being entirely loyal to them? Would they be fine if I hung out with other women?
Or does it really matter?
I am thinking we are all like these thistles--beautiful to look upon, but each with a guarded armor. Quick attempts to single one thistle out can lead to wounds and second guessing. Slowly approach though, take the time to be gentle and careful and you may have the opportunity to partake in the sweet fragrance of the soul.