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Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Internal Examination

As an adult, I find myself constantly examining and scrutinizing myself. I think this is the natural way to exist--to always strive for the better being and the higher cause in life. I assess my qualities, my virtues, my language (really, I try). I gauge my thoughts and my actions and I wonder each day if I am making a positive impact on others.

It is like this impressionistic painting I began a little over two years ago. It started as an inspiration from a Texas Parks and Wildlife magazine shot of the Mission Goliad and it quickly morphed into a cross between said mission and a Hill Country scene. That's how I view myself. I'm a cross between something wildly primitive and something humanly tame. I love the turquoise hue--so relaxing and yet stimulating. The bright mission walls hint of something higher and allow this symbolic piece prominence.

But something is missing. The painting is not all quite finished.

It hangs on my living room wall reminding me to pull out my paintbrushes and paints and add a few strokes of color here and a wash or two there. Every few weeks, I grab my set and paint for a few minutes, remembering what changes during the last few weeks I think need to be made. Then I stop and I review and I dissect the painting for a few weeks more thinking that the next time I pull out my painting palette and brushes that I will finish the painting.

But alas, I've been painting for two years. This will be my third year to work on this canvas. Like life, this piece of art is an ongoing process. As my friend, Richard, attests, knowing when to stop is just a matter of perspective.

What do you think?


jennifer said...

I read through all of your story in one sitting and signed up as a follower. I clicked to your site from Valerie Lea's comments. Not sure what else to say. Your story has touched me and is very powerful. I thank God for your boldness in sharing.

Be blessed.

Karen said...

The painting is beautiful. I often think we as hard on ourselves as we are on our work. I know when I look in the mirror, I certainly don't see the same person my husband does when he looks at me.

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